Warped Tour Week 4
Burgettstown, PA – Our first day in Pennsylvania and we are given excellent placement right in front of the entrance. Flocks of kids swarm around the freestyle cyphers and do their best impressions of Drizzy Drake, to no avail. Today is hotter than Ohio but still remains cooler than the rest of the hellish infernos we’ve already had to deal with. The Chicharones hit the stage and the surrounding rap hands turn into jazz hands and dance moves. We’re pretty sure someone was impregnated during the set, but that’s a whole other fairy tale.
Holmdel, NJ – This is the day we take turns playing with guns. We fired multiple large loud weapons with many names and types and while noone was killed, except Scotty, we were jittery with power and high caliber weaponry. We roll into New Jersey with clenched fists eager to punch a Snooki in the stomach. There are multiple little girls with bright orange skin. In the pursuit of showers, as many are ripe, we run into Steven, owner of a hair salon in Asbury Park, NJ called Chop Chop Bang Bang. He gives the boys free haircuts and now we all look like handsome guidos. Fist pumps and Jaeger bombs all around. Day drinking occurs and the crews morale is back up. We think of the Boss Bruce Springsteen and remember to make every day, the Glory Days!
Days Off In New York - Finally a couple days off and we are ready. The first night half the crew makes its way into Times Square. The bright lights and big buildings are overwhelming to such small city folk. We’re going to try and get the piggy on Good Morning America, but that requires getting up early, and on a day off? We’ll see about that. We hit a nice Jewish delicatessen downtown and eat gigantic triple decker pastrami sandwiches, wearing yamuchas. After stuffing ourselves with meats and cheeses we make our way to Ground Zero. The Millennium Tower is in full effect! The huge towering glass structure that stands where the Twin Towers fell strikes an emotional chord in all of us.
More Days Off In New York - Today half off the crew takes off to NY again while the rest sit in a hotel parking lot to drink, watch movies and contemplate suicide. The team goes to the top of the Empire State Building and fight their way through the cluster of ruffing red-faced tourists. The boys make their way as invited guests to play a show at the Brookyln Bowl (a crazy dope bar/bowling alley) with Pharaoh Monch and Jean Grae. It SLAMS. We catch up with the Kardashians, chuck back Coney dogs and hot slices of Brooklyn’s Best Pizza. After the show, we return to our sacred parking lot off of the New Jersey turnpike, while a lone weaker member of the crew goes in search of The Jersey Devil. They instead find Jon Bon Jovi, shopping at Walmart, pretending he still gets down with deals. ‘Ey Yo Jon Bon,’ we yell. ‘F**k You!’ We are escorted out of Walmart. Who is this Whiskeys?
Darien Center, NY - Whattup The Used. Whattup Streetlight Manifesto. Whassup Buffalo. We toss down reefer rips like old friends. With one less crew member and a couple days of rest, the team is back in action. We put on a hell of a show to an ever growing audience. By the end of our set, private parts are smashed together in a swirling blend of ecstasy and angst. After the show we realize that the venue is placed right next to an Amusement Park, and we get in FREE with our Warped badges! Like giddy 8th graders we hit the roller coaster lines and giggle like a gaggle of girls as we await sheer terror. The Viper is the first ride; a classic roller coaster with a few upside down loops and steep falls. Amazing. We are the definition of all shook up. Next we go on The Mind Eraser, a giant coaster where you are strapped in while your feet dangle. We try to hold in the nerves but as the reality takes hold, it gets too hard to hold back. Wills are spoken aloud. The thirty seconds of panic and fear is well worth it. Amusement Park Life!
Scranton, PA - Nothing is ever easy, and sometimes it gets really ugly. Everything falls apart, and the good news comes with some bad. Today is tense. The merch girl sleeps in while two half-retards try and put up displays. There is a reason why men order flowers rather than trying to put together a bouquet themselves. First we receive the good news: The Chicharones are the #2 selling band on Warped Tour next to Falling In Reverse. We are charting and we are stoked about it. Then the bad news comes. Due to our sponsor not getting the money in on time, our catering has been revoked . Now we don’t eat. The crew is hungry, and nothing crushes morale like hunger. That is until it is brought to our attention that we are in direct relation with the sponsor who hasn’t put out, and if they don’t get the money deposited by the end of the day, we’re all off the tour. Tension is high, but we’ll see what happens. As the music industry usually is, this is a make-it or break-it situation. Let’s just hope The Chicharones prevail.
Lightning Strikes - Out of nowhere lightning and thunder roll in on this already hellacious day. The hail and rain fall so hard that the entire Warped Tour is temporarily shut down. All 35,000 kids are ushered into the amphitheater in a panic. A tornado warning is issued and we are forced to evacuate our booth and stage leaving all behind. We are soaked to the bone as we cram into the bus and hide from the storm while hoping for the best. In the midst of it all DJ Zone decides his turntables are too important, and if he is to die on this bus he needs his tools. The crazy man braves the storm. The rain calms for a moment and I step out for a cigarette to see Zone about a quarter mile down walking slow with tables in hand. I run up and tell him to give me one. As soon as I take hold of the metal casing the rain starts back up. We start running towards the bus as lightning strikes all around us. Fear is in the air. We make it back still alive. Morale is strange. Laughter continues despite the extreme sadness behind it. I’m going to bed, will we still be on the road tomorrow? Or will we be heading home?