Cariboo Brewing

Chula Vista, CA - Vacations done. Back to business. We are leaving the west coast after this show. We’re too used to green living and liberal laws. We must leave our sanctuary of dirty hippies, wealthy liberals, medical marijuana and recycling. It’s time to head south and burn some trash (and some hippies). But today, we are nestled in the mountains of San Diego, next to a waterpark. Warped Tour begins with delicious breakfast and ends with a waterpark and a mountain climbed. We need to drive through the night to Arizona, past our first official Border Check. So post show, we rid the bus of any and all of our “paraphernalia”. Spliffs and joints are sucked down while jars and pocket crumbs are emptied in an old fashioned bake-off. Part way into the drive Tony realizes he still has three full bottles of THC tincture in his bag. The challenge is taken and a bus full of half-bakes chug down the bottles, and fall asleep in a drool induced haze.

Phoenix, AZ - Today feels like we’re back in Las Vegas. Desert Heat in the summer is very FO REAL. Only a few of us wake up to load in. We haul hundreds of pounds of equipment and merchandise over the blazing concrete into the gigantic baseball stadium, which doubles as the spring training facility of the Chicago White Sox. It’s a 45 minute trek upstairs and down walkways into a pocket of grass a good three quarters of a mile away from where the rest of our stuff is. Aba is mad. 15 bottles of water deep and drenched in sweat he enters the bus enraged. The yelling lets everyone know how serious of a situation this is. The rest of the crew grabs what they can and set forth on their journey. A few beers in and moods calm, the show must go on, and so it does.

Las Cruces, NM - We’re coming down now, in altitude and energy. The location is much better today though speakers are popping and fellas are cracking. Everyday is a hot blurry mess. Sunstroke takes down weaker men like passenger pigeons and the last of the dodos. On the open plains there are whispers that someone has died, crushed beneath the weight of the heaving crowd, senseless hormonal violence the likely cause of death. None of it is true but the lawyer’s remain worried. Our drummer’s finger is bloodied and the first rumors of a hit single are drifting through the blogosphere. The Chicharones are catching some fire. There are nice showers in Las Cruces so we divest of the day’s dust and sunburns and chafey thighs and freshly cleaned, powdered and shaved we are on the next one, on the next one.

San Antonio, TX - Its Still Very Hot. After a successful show in the AT&T Center, we got to take showers in the San Antonio Spurs locker room. The shower nozzles were literally 10 feet tall. Tim Duncan and Tony Parker both showered right where we washed our feet and balls. We felt like champions, heroes, even Gods. We returned to a literal rockstar party. It is our first BBQ with the rest of the bands, finally we get time to let loose and make friends with liquor. Free booze, huge 100-patty grill, corn hole games (no disrespect) and movie screenings with Matthew Lillard (Green-haired wank from Hackers). We cracked jokes with Falling In Reverse, Of Mice and Men, The Green, Champagne Champagne, Ten Second Epic and Yellowcard. We have made a lot of new friends, and things are looking up for the boys. 10 Jack and drinks in and Scotty The Body is ready to drive the bus. Everyone gets loose and will pay for it in the morning.

Houston, TX - Hard Hard Hangovers. Lotso throwing on and around the bus. The Cap takes no shit, and pushes everyone to work harder and play smarter. Everyone has hit the two week crazy point. Laughs of delirium fill the musky air in the bus. We’re all realizing now that this is our life for over another month. The daily routine becomes easier and everyone is etching out their roles in making each day the most productive, and not quite so insane. The humid rain makes for a slippery stage and Aba face plants during his set. He’s lucky he didn’t lose his teeth, he finishes his set a bloody mess and now has a throbbing blood blister on his middle finger. He won’t stop flipping us off.

Day Off at Tony’s Moms - We are ready for a break. Tony Ozier, the smooth-talking seven foot RZA, and our bass player, invites us all to his Momma’s place n Freeport, TeXas for some homecooking and Southern Hospitality. We are greeted with open arms and banquet trays of catfish and fresh Gulf Coast shrimp, battered and fried, and so deliciously succulently buttery, its almost mean to retell the story of how awesome it was being us, for that brief exciting meal. The next morning we wake up to the smell of oak, smoking away in the pit smoker, where in hours we will eat Smoked Ribs, Brisket, Sausage, Chicken and Crawfish and the best Potato Salad i have ever eaten, PERIOD. Disgustingly full, stuffed to the gills, we immediately pack on the weight we’ve been losing walking 7 miles a day in the blazing hot sun. Armed with a cooler containing over one hundred beers, we rage on into the night feeling full and happy. Next Stop Dallas. Don’t Mess With Texas.

Dallas, TX - The heat of Dallas won’t stop the boys. Like the NFL’s Cowboys we get a touchdown and The Chicharones are ranked #2 in the Dallas Observer’s Top 10 Bands To See At Warped Tour. The boys are back on hype mode. Beers are shotgunned while underage girls smear their makeup and cry. We’re now heading out of Texas and making way to St. Louis, MO. In time we’re hoping to attain enough groupies to feed us grapes and fan us with palm leaves as we journey further into the murky humidity of Southwestern America. See you next week as we kick Misery’s (Missouri’s) balls and flex on the rest of the states. What’s crackin’ fools?!

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