What’s Crackin’: GTA V Edition
This Week In Stuff
Grand Theft Auto 5 Releases
This week the infamous open platform gaming franchise of Grand Theft Auto has released its biggest and best game in the series so far. Teenagers everywhere are recklessly running over pedestrians, starting gangs, and banging hookers in their spare time. If only this many people would invest that much time in starting their own business, or helping out their community, we’d all be billionaires in the land of peace by now. Although, this sounds far less satisfying than bossing your own virtual crime world. Order a pizza and roll a fatty, it’s time to kill some hookers.
Public Masturbation Legalized In Sweden
Finally! A safe place to call home! This week Sweden gave the A-OK to publicly play pocket hockey without the pants. Imagine taking your children for a breathtaking walk through the park, only to see several bearded men tugging themselves off in the background. If you’re in Sweden, you can’t even tell them to stop it. You can basically stalk that bitch that turned you down in high school and jerk off at her in broad daylight with no consequences. Screw it, I’m moving.
The ‘Ghost’ Of Ohio State
Ohio State University students were claiming their off-campus house was haunted. They would often come home to open cupboards, strange noises in the walls, and more paranormal-like activity. A few exorcisms later and it seemed nothing would work. The toilet paper was still being used, somebody was still putting empty cartons of milk in the refrigerator, and the freaked out students were about to leave. That is until they discovered a man had secretly been living in a hidden room in their basement for years. What if all unexplained “paranormal activity” was actually homeless dudes masturbating in your walls? That could explain a lot.
Crowd Funded Porn
Ever been watching porn and wished you could have chosen where they did it and what they wore while doing it? Me neither. However, it seems many rich perverts would like to have a little more to say about what happens in their ten minutes of shame filled glory. Porn production company Shane’s World Studios is attempting to fully crowd fund their pornography through adult service site offbeatr.com. By pitching in you can win prizes and even travel to the shoot to see your money(shot) be put to good use.
Man Gets Drunk On Food
A man in the UK was admitted into the ER this week when he appeared to be completely blotto. The man claimed that he hadn’t had a drop of alcohol in weeks. The man’s family had their suspicions as in the previous days he would suddenly appear drunk. They just assumed he was a closet alcoholic lying about his addiction. After extensive testing they found the man had suffered a rare side effect of antibiotics that caused his stomach to “grow” yeast and turn carbohydrates into alcohol. Can you imagine the amount of money saved if instead of going to the bar we just ate bread?
This Week In Camobear
Evil Ebenezer “HOWL” Available Now!
This week Evil Ebenezer released his brand new full-length HOWL – the preorders are going out now and if you want to get in on the package deals, this week is your last chance. Cop it here now!
This Week In Cariboo
102.7 The PEAK and Music BC announce the 2013 PEAK Performance Project Showcase Series at Fortune Sound Club (147 E Pender, Vancouver), powered by Cariboo Brewing!
Thursday, September 19th Showcase
The Lion The Bear The Fox