Warped Tour Week 6
St. Petersburg, FL - Well here we are on the opposite side of the country. We’re as far away from home as possible. We are feeling rough and rugged, but we know today is the turnaround point in which we start heading back to familiar territory. Our drummer Chase Burton takes off first thing in the morning to get a tattoo in Boca Raton. Baller B is a world famous traditional tattoo artist that has inked everyone from Ludacris and Ian of New Found Glory, to Travis Barker and Yelawolf‘s mom, just to name a few. Under the needle of such a professional Chase decides to get a slice of Pepperoni pizza on his calf, and what a tasty slice it is! Check out a piece of Baller B’s portfolio by clicking HERE.
Charlotte, NC - We arrive to another gravel filled pit, and the dust in the air makes for some thick dirt boogers. If there’s one thing we learned at this years Warped Tour in Charlotte, it was that nobody there wanted to see any rappers. It was the first city we’ve encountered on this trip where nobody had any interest whatsoever in our stage or what we had to offer. The hip hop acts went on not letting the lack of attention bother them. The ghost town turns into a decent crowd when The Chicharones go on, and the dance party finally kicks off. Sometimes you have to learn that tour can be hit or miss. One day you’ll have a thousand people dancing their butt holes off and asking for autographs, and then the next day you’ll have nothing but an old and creepy sun spotted lot lizard asking if she can pee behind the merch booth during your set. No way lady, go home!
Cincinnati, OH – Good morning Ohio! Today may be the best day ever. As I stated the road is so topsy-turvy that a crappy gravel pit in Charlotte might mean a waterpark in Cincinnati! After the show we meet up with the awesome folks that are Skinny Lister and hit the water slides like an otter in August. A few races down the slides and we realize we have no chance against the Lister’s aerodynamic Englishman short-shorts. We end the adventure at the diving board where Dan flops like a sack of potatoes and Mr. Camino puts everyone to shame like a less buff and more tattooed Michael Phelps. Tonight is also when our good friends Larry Gee leave the tour. We say our goodbyes whilst sipping tasty Lemonades with a pinch of Vodka, and when I say a pinch a mean a whole lot. Tonight is Warped Tour Prom, the piggies dress sharp and meet up with Matt Toka and Skinny Lister who are all in sundresses and looking for some serious D.
Milwaukee, WI - Wisconsin can be a beautiful place sometimes. The venue today is right on Lake Michigan, the morning is started by some breathing exercises and meditations out by the lighthouse. In the middle of the meditation I am attacked by a wasp for no other reason than being awesome I would assume. The Cap spends six hours trying to fix the shocks on the bus before he realizes he was sold a busted part, and Cap ain’t havin’ it. Fists fly and The Cap himself takes down six other drivers like a young Chuck Norris. “Mess with The Cap and you’re going to get slapped!” is what the world now knows. Tomorrow we are back in the Pacific Northwest and this has everyone charged up and even a little bit nervous. How will we act around our family after six weeks of becoming barbaric road warriors? After our show we cool down at the bus drinking some beers and watching little kids skateboard. Before we leave I hit the bar with DJ of Vampires Everywhere and he orders me a “Nookie”; a drink of his own creation he insists I try. The concoction ends up being a mix of every liquor behind the bar, and for some reason it’s all a blur after that.
Seattle, WA - We awake in Montana on our way to Washington. Finally we are seeing some nice greenery in our surroundings and in turn feel a little more sane. It is en route to Seattle when we are alerted by our production bus that they are still broke down and won’t be able to make it to the show on time. We decide to cut our run short and head straight to Portland. We are also informed that another production bus hit a horse and another hit a mule deer, both completely destroying the front end of the busses. We went through some rough stuff on this tour, we are just glad that nobody was hurt and that we weren’t on either of those busses. We are bummed to skip a show, especially one in our neck of the woods, but I can’t say we aren’t excited to get back to Portland and do some highly confusing sex sessions. Awh yeah, it’s back on!
Portland, OR - We arrive home feeling like Knights returning from battle. We are greeted with food, shoulder rubs and happy endings. We sleep in real beds and are able to take a real breath away from the madness and start processing the trauma we just endured. It’s the night before the last show when a curious Aba makes a call to see if the production bus is on time. Turns out that without warning they up and left us. The bus couldn’t be fixed and so they booked flights home and cancelled the stage. This can’t be done to us! We won’t stand for this! Our triumphant return will not be faltered by a broken bus and broken spirits. Phone calls are made throughout the night and the decision is made; with or without a crew the show must go on.
The Triumphant Return - The morning of the last show we beast it with a crew of local artists and show up in place of the production crew. We scramble to find all of our things, get placement and put our stage together. It’s a challenge but everything works, today is our day and we own it. The Chicharones are moved to a bigger stage (Ernie Ball) once again to give a last Warped performance for the friends, fans and families we have missed dearly. The dustbowl around us is packed with the ones we adore. They throw their arms in the air and show us the love we’ve been searching for in all the wrong places. The party goes down like a zeppelin full of led and babies are conceived by everyone. The dust settles and we return home. It’s been a long and strange journey, but we made it. We are alive and in one piece. Now the shell schock sets in. Muscles ache, nightmares are had and the reprogramming your body to not sleeping in a coffin are all that’s left. We went through hell and back for the music, and we’d do it again.
Warped Tour was ours.