Patrick Maliha

People always talk about first world problems in reference to third world problems. But nobody ever talks about second world problems. You never hear, “The race riot went so long that I missed the soccer game! Second world problems… I lost my place in the bread line! Second world problems… I spilled goulash on my track pants!! Second world problems…

– Dylan Rhymer

“One time I was with a chick, who while I was making love to her, yelled out, ‘Deeper!’ Now, I don’t know about you, but that’s a real shot to the ego. It’s not like I had some extra penis I’d been holding out on. What did she expect me to say? ‘Hey, you passed the test, now here’s the rest?’ In retrospect maybe I should have just been looking at her and yelling, ‘Tighter!’ Hey, you park an RV in the Grand Canyon, it’s still going to look small”.

– Damonde Tschritter

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I found out the liquor store sells gift cards. There’s 3 values: $25, $50, and $100. A $25 gift card makes sense, it says, Happy Birthday to your buddy, go get yourself a 6 pack. A $50 gift card says, Merry Christmas to your boss or co-worker. But a $100 gift card to the liquor store says, “I know you’ve got a problem… but I didn’t know what to get you, so Happy Father’s Day.”

– Art Factora

Can you walk on stilts, send a room full of unamused Vancouverites into a fit of laughter, or shamelessly sing through your nostrils? Ever wanted to find a use for these talents? Well […]

“When you hang out with a nine year old, you learn a lot of things about yourself that you would never otherwise know…like your fifth favourite colour.”

Kevin Foxx

“They say if you don’t drink, you live longer. I don’t know about that. I think it just feels like you live longer.”

Damonde Tschritter

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“I’m not good with women. My friend asked me if I’d ever been with a screamer, I said they’re all screamers if you surprise them”

Simon King