Cariboo Brewing

Striker’s Tales: Striker Claws

• Dec
  7th

My head and brain still really hurts from breaking eight helmets in eleven years. My eighth helmet broke for a second time this year during Sheep Creek and it really did a number on my brain. I have all kinds of sharp pains and headaches up there. I really don’t think I can take much more of this breaking helmets off the road business. Cats have nine lives and I’ve used more then nine lives if you count me almost getting shot at The Bourbon, a downtown Vancity bar in Gastown a few years back.

Now there’s a Striker Tale for ya! A long story short, after the guy squeezed the trigger – with the gun pointed at my guts – we heard the click. I already thought it was too late. He ran a couple meters and kicked open the doors to the street and shot a guy in the face and kicked him as he bled on the street while everyone stood there shocked! Buddy fled the scene we all got held in the bar to give our statements. The next day 24hr news rag reported the guy only fired one shot off because his gun jammed. That is why I’m still here coming up with shit like this:

Well, this weekend will be action packed! I’m flying home from Williams Lake and jumping right into action! That’s if my plane doesn’t crash into the rugged snow filled mountains from engine failure because of a underpaid mechanic was hung over and forgot to tighten the bolts on the wing flap. I do trust the BC bush pilots though just not the planes and the mechanics.

Thursday night when my plane crash-lands I’ll unpack and find my $200 Striker Claws suite! Time to get wild in the streets! I might also have a Christmas party to go to Thursday night, tis the season… so I must be ready!

Then Friday is a huge day. Wake up and head to Cariboo Brewing World Headquarters and pick up all kinds of schwag for Coast Longboarding’s Christmas! The 8th annual Toys for Kids Parade, the Coast Longboarding Parking Lot Tour and Saturday nights big ass Coast Longboarding Hockey Winter Classic Tournament – skateboard Hockey man! Then I’ll rip back home and unload the Cariboo gear, thanks Boo!



After that, off to the hospital to get my virgin ass raped by the doctors. I’m 31 years old now so it’s time. Thumbs fingers all of the above! Test galore. I really don’t know what to expect but something is not right with striker claws so its time to find out what! Better not be cancer of my penis, nut sack, bladder or whatever but i’ll tell you this… my family doctor is sending me to the hospital to be tested by a specialist and he says I don’t have any STD’s or Diabetes – no shit! So after all of that i’ll be lucky if all I get is circumcised! I’m not joking! Could you imagine? I’ll take that any day as long as they don’t cut of my Tommy Gunn!

Once that roller coaster ride is over ill get home from the hospital and head straight to the basement to fix the Party Cab! You remember the party cab I bought this year. It’s a rickshaw… a giant tricycle with a pounding stereo. Striker Claws needs a sleigh man! It’s toys for kids! I’ll have a three-hour window Friday night to fix the Party Cab before the big Landyachtz Longboards huge Christmas party at Chronic Taco in Gastown. If the Party Dab is ready Santa is going to head down in style this year.

Saturday! Boom! The 8th Annual C.L.B.C. Toys For Kid’s Parade, this is going to be a blast! Were continuing to do good for the unfortunate kids of low-income family’s that wish they had just one gift to brag about at school after the holidays. Waking up as a kid Christmas day not feeling “normal” and not getting a gift is heart breaking to me. Christmas is not about presents but to kids fuckin rights it is. That’s all that Christmas is. So were getting together as a community and giving back to the brats. We will bring an unwrapped unopened gift for kids of all ages. We will rip the streets of Vancouver reminding the rich to donate to food banks and Support the CTV toys for kids! Drop off your gift under the big tree at CTV. We do good then we do bad! Downtown parkade tour, out running cops, security guards, dodging cars, buses ripping all of downtown Vancouver’s best outdoor and underground parking lots!

Around 7 pm at Main St and 2nd Ave we will meet up for a longboarding hockey tournament. Everyone is welcome to play. Bring a skateboard, a hockey stick and a helmet. Great prizes and Santa striker will have gifts for all the coast longboarders that make it out to all three events for the Coast Longboarding Christmas!

Pass out and wake up to catch the bush plane back to the Cariboo to care for Momma Striker!

Have a good weekend everyone, hope I run into you along the way and put the PD’s Hot Shop Flea Market on your calendar:

Strike out!

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