Cariboo Brewing

Just burping up some new delicious Cariboo Root Beer and a plate of the famous Stephos, Greek on Davie! I’ve been wanting to write this weeks Striker Tale all week but just got the chance now! Last week I was driving the F-bomb thinking, do I really want to get myself into this year. Can I handle another year? Then I found myself packing up the F-bomb and meeting a pack of wolves at Landyachtz Longboards for our six’o'clock date to head to Mt. Washington!

We loaded up a good crew! I was surprised how everything came together so quick because I’m still trying to catch up myself! Or at least that’s how I feel right now after Danger Bay 11!!

Facebook Montage by Ejo Ya: https://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?+v=423090724378887

Yardwaste Cripple Bomb locals were back along with a Chilliwack shredder, Stoop House rep and the man from the deep dark woods. The man that since last year’s Cripple Bombs has locked himself away with no phone or people to skate with. MEGA TRON!

We’re driving out and I’m stoked to see Mega Tron. We had some great times last year. The man was a beast! Could sell dirty panties to a granny for gas money for the next trip! The Tron was a beer machine always drinking but never hurting anyone or never any disrespect. I was so happy to see Mega Tron! It was a whole year since we seen him give Wolfgang a haymaker from the Bronx because wolfs balls were almost on trons forehead.

We got to the ferry and the boys were primed up! No way they could dent the Boo I brought along the way for the boys. I looked into my bus driver window to see what was going on and mega tron was waiving around a sharp kitchen knife really feeling the liquor and the music. The knife was for the can of Cariboo but he had to feel the shred before stabbing the can like a Chilliwack stray cat then shot gunning the boo. The boys were back right where they left off last year!

As I was driving I told Mega Tron how good it was to see him and how stoked I was that he’s back on the cripple bomb. I told him how I was stoked on how respectful he’s always been and welcome back! We got to the island and the f-bomb party was kicking up a notch and when we finally got to Eric’s farm for The Mount Washington Road Rash Rumble. The field was packed full of rvs and racers camps and soon as we parked that’s where it all went bonkers!

People climbing on the roof, crawling through the Bomb’s windows and the door swings open and the camp just piles in and people are falling all over the place! I park and give some high fives and I can’t remember if Mega Tron dumped his beer before or after we parked but he needed to pay his respects and like his picture on the wall from last year doing a shoe he needed to do a shoe now and clean up his beer.

Well cooped up in a shack near Hope, BC all winter no skating, no communication with the outside world. No car no nothing, just him and his brain stuck in la la land and this was his first big trip out of his k hole! He was finally out and ready to rage. And did he ever rage! First off “f*$#@ you, f*$#@ you, *$#@ you, *$#@ you, *$#@ you, *$#@ you, f*$#@ you… and you!” As he pointed to everyone in the Bomb including me! “None of you can make me do a f*$#@in shoe!” I told him hey you do a shoe or you get the *$#@ out, easy! You know the rules, no special treatment for anyone, including yourself!

“*$#@ You and your rules I paid to be on this trip I’m not going anywhere!” Then, after a bit of yapping back and forth between the rest of the F-Bomb and Mega Tron he started throwing punches and a fight broke out in the bomb! This was like as soon as we parked! They fell into the dash of the bomb breaking my new power inverter along with the cigarette lighter power outlet, then elbows were being chucked around as my new glasses got crushed and broken. Then the half broken cupboard got busted right off along with the table being ripped right out of the screws.

I was starting to get a little upset! Beer everywhere, broken F-Bomb my shit was getting thrashed. The pile of guys wrestled on the couch where Doug d decided to grab mega trons arm and reefed on in from out side through the window. Things calmed down and we were at the same point! Just do a shoe and I’ll forget about all this shit that just got broken! Then Tron kicked and exploded a beer in the bomb. I was still on the fence. It takes a lot for me to get angry or to lose it and start fighting so I said again shoe! And again Tron said fuck you! So I had it I started chucking out all his gear out the window of the bomb. Then everyone started to chuck his shit out the window! I said to the closest buddy here take his leathers and piss in them!

Now with all his stuff out on the field we needed to get him out now. Like a little baby he cried I’m not going anywhere till you pay me back my cash. So I spit on his cash and chucked it at him and instead of kicking his head right through the window or ripping him out of his chair I just gobbed on him and told him to get the *$#@ out! I was hoping he would get up after that and attack me but he didn’t. We went out side and the shouting continued. All he needed to do was a shoe!

So I had enough it was already late and we weren’t getting anywhere with his drunk ass at this point so we packed up the Cribb and left him behind. We parked up at the wash at the bottom of the hill and regrouped. After all the trips we had last year with Mega Tron I had never seen him act like this. He must have had a really shitty winter because he was an animal. But again a shoe and it would have been water under the bridge.

It wasn’t long till a big red truck came ripping into the parking lot and red eyes member jumps out with a baseball bat yelling, “I want to kill this guy! I had to take off before I beat the shit out of him with a baseball bat. Anyways I ran over all his stuff. I had to leave I figure I’d find you guys up here.” On a side note now that I’m writing this I’m thinking this is how his helmet got crushed.

Then to add to the madness we hear a local guy ripping up the race hill smashing hay bails on the track with his big red neck truck and it’s now about four in the morning. We yell and a few of the boys start running across the parking lot to catch this guy but he was long gone before taking ten or more hay bails with him. And I guess he lit the bails on fire on his way out so the boys enjoyed the sunrise with a fire while guarding the rest of the bails on the track before race day!

I wake up to BANG BANG BANG!! POLICE OPEN UP!!! At first I was like this is got to be a joke but I realized it might not be. So I kicked my piss jug out of the way and cleared a few caribou beer boxes out of the way to open the door and sure enough it was a squad car with two cops and mega tron. “ You know this guy” the cop asks me and I answered “unfortunately yes” then to even looking at the cop I started into mega tron telling him of his actions the night before and how I was stone cold sober and he was a lunatic and could have avoided it all with a shoe.

The cops basically asked me if I was going to take him back or they were going to take him in so I said “your not coming back in here till you drink a shoe” and tron nodded with his big fresh black eye I then only noticed. So I hoped up in my under where grabbed the first beer I saw and then the first shoe I saw which was keiffers and came back to the door and cracked the beer right in front of the cops and started filling the dirty old shoe. I then gave it to Tron making sure to swish the beer around in the shoe to get all the good bits moving around.

Without hesitation Tron downs the shoe and pukes a bit and the cops enjoyed the whole show. Then Tron looks at me with his hung over black eye looking face “Is that all?” and I said no give me your hundred bucks back! He did and that was good enough for me. I let his sorry ass back on with no shoes, stinking like beer and that was all the cops needed. They just told me he was not welcome back at the camp and that was it. Have a nice day!

So we got word the reason why Tron was not aloud back was when we left he destroyed some chairs that the organizer rented. He chucked them in the fire. Then the other organizers wife spent four days cooking the best free food for everyone like fresh salmon and other seafood and tron got into that and started chucking this food allover the camp. To add to all that he tried to fight people the rest of the night till he finally crashed in the middle of the field.

Well, he woke up with a fury of fists to the face and quickly jumped up to defend himself popping Hollywood in the face and like a good UFC alarm clock the boys went toe to toe as I under stand it till Hollywood took Tron to the ground and man handled him a bit before calling the cops. Now just to give you a backstory on Hollywood. Some drug addict in the his neighborhood tied a noose at the end of his drive way and it was scaring the old people in the hood as they took there walks everyday. Hollywood got sick of this guy, banged on his door and beat the living shit out of him and chucked a chair through his window! You don’t mess with Hollywood! He is an old timer that doesn’t mind taking a punch or two. He has had way worse in his years.

I got a call form Hollywood asking if it was me that brought this asshole to the race I said yes and then Hollywood made it clear that he wasn’t to be at the race at all. He wasn’t welcome. So now I have this guy that paid to be on the bomb. I have others that paid to be on the bomb. So I couldn’t just skip the event and ditch announcing and take off on everyone else to cater to this drunken fool that brought all this on himself so all I could think about was to hide him in the back all day while he sleeps.

I tried to sell this idea to Tron telling him I’d do this if he promised to not make a scene half way through the day. At first he said yeah, then he got difficult and demanded his phone and his helmet. Then I said well your going to have to hitch hike home or while we race go to the camp and look for your shit. Long story short the organizers both found out Tron was in the back of the bomb and told him to beat it. Tron said I’m not going anywhere till I find my shit. Well then the cops were called and the cops came and grabbed Tron from the racetrack and it was finally all over!

It’s the same rules for everyone! You break something or you spill all over the couch, the floor or the counters… it’s a shoe. That’s the least you can do.

This years Mount Washington road rash rumble lived up to its name. Years of road rash and finally a rumble. This year was truly world class. We had racers from Spain, Brazil, Florida, New York, Argentina, Sweden, Peru, Australia, Texas, Puerto Rico and some other spots I can’t recall at the moment but its so nice to have this group from all over the world hitting more than just one race! These world racers are hitting our circuit and it’s a real treat to host them.

Thanks to Cariboo all the volunteers, the podium and all the world racers were spoiled this year. There were around fifty racers that’s ten more than last year and six RVs.

The race day was on and off wet and dry. I talked to one of the ladies, Ishtar, and she said she was so scared running this race course that she cried herself down the hill. This track is the fastest in North America! Racers are hitting at least 109km by the finish line.

Perfect speed to crash and get hit by a run away board! And that happened!

It was a real exciting race and all the racers were fed with their entry fee. The crashes were worth it. The race organizers for the first year in the three years of this race being legit finally broke even and were able to pay the winners! Coast Longboarding awarded Cariboo and medals to the winners! By far the best year of the road rash rumble!

The after party at the camp was a blast! We hooked up to power and then hooked that power to the bustin boards rv and parked right beside them so we could pirate ship back and fourth. Then all mate was stoked on the years of my stoke and donated us a extension cord and a power bar with a $160 laser party unit! So we hooked that up and it has over three hundred settings!

We have puke buckets but none of them were used when I found another rider in my back bedroom with puke all over himself and the boards with a bit on my bed… again! But this time instead of chucking the whole mattress out because I don’t have a mattress anymore from that last puker I just grabbed the foam along with the sheet and cut off the parts that were puked on! Easy peezy! Cleaning has never been so easy! Bleach the floor with some Febreeze! Smells like I bought it brand new! I got rid of five blankets this trip. Gone forever!

The next day the puke master while puking cleaned up the rv as his punishment. The rest of us kicked in and no shit! The f-bomb is cleaner than when we bought it! That’s how we roll! Stoked on our crew! While everything got cleaned I fixed the busted table with a few screws n duct tape. I did the same with the bashed in cupboard. But the cigarette outlet is done and my new power inverter is done! But we gained a laser maker!

When we got back Monday and noticed that the bomb wasn’t running right we had some vibrations in the Cribb so we looked under the bus and noticed that the front right tire was bald on the inside so Tuesday I drove it to whistler with bean and its getting the love it needs for the over ten thousand km were going to add to it this year! Bushings, wheels, bearings, batteries, starter, windshield, generator, wheel alignment, more fans, horn, joint replacement, steering column, breaks and all the fluids being fixed this week I’m hoping!

I expect the bill is going to be huge! I’ve had been putting it off for a bit but its time to find some sponsors for this pig! If you can help out let me know – I got paypal!

Were off to Vernon DH this weekend, then Kelowna then Mayhill! Action packed!

Strike out!