What’s Crackin’: Emoji’s, ISIS & Snoop
This Week In Stuff
Emoji Makes Dictionary
The Oxford dictionary, already famous for adding words like “LOL” and “emoji” to its repertoire of English language, has elected its official word of 2015, and it’s an emoji. Yes, the “tears of joy” smiley has been dubbed this year’s word of the year and it’s not even a word. The argument behind the decision is that this particular emoticon transcends the barriers of language and is decipherable by all cultures of heritage (they forgot about the schlong shot). It should be no surprise that the same institution that embraced words like “LOL” and “twerk” into their lexicon with open arms would be just as likely to take in a mere pictograph as its scholarly weapon of choice. What is this, the hieroglyphs of ancient Egypt? Those guys were idiots.
Anonymous Hacks ISIS
Elite hacker collective Anonymous has taken words from ISIS to heart when it comes to the current state of conflict that prompted terrorist attacks in Paris, France this week. Anonymous is currently responsible for taking down over 5,000 pro-ISIS Twitter accounts and counting. Although disrupting some Twitter accounts might not seem like that huge of a step, it is hopefully the beginning of a full-on cyber attack against the violent regime that uses social media networks as its main source of propaganda and recruitment. Well, more power to you, Anonymous, we hope you single-handedly bring down this organization like Linda Clarke claims she will. We don’t want to get political, choose sides or get too preachy on you, but war is wrong, and any type of violence against fellow mankind is wrong.
Pigeons Able To Spot Breast Cancer
You can throw that $100,000 degree in the garbage and become Birdman for all it’s worth. This week it was announced that your common street pigeon was trained to identify cancer-infected breast tissue in radiology images at the accuracy of a trained doctor. Forget about robots, the future is in flying rodents. Pigeons are underrated, they have already proven they can do basic math, they have adapted to the human environment they’ve been given. In a way, pigeons are like the trustafarians or gutter punks of the bird world. Bumming for french fries on the street corner when you could just as easily spread your wings, man! If only your parents would accept your lifestyle.
Technology in India is so advanced and the post office is so dope that they will scan your picture and make your own custom stamps. Why are we not on this? We have become slaves to political figures and classic cartoon characters with no option for celebrating who really matters…me. This is my new go to gift for everybody for every occasion. 16th birthday? Have some stamps with my face on ‘em. New house? Face stamps. Getting married? Stamp face. Divorce? Face. They do realize that below the belt pics are next right? Who wouldn’t want to give new meaning to the term “mushroom stamp”. Forget about buying that new Xbox One for your favorite illegitimate child this Xmas, and let’s all head on down to the drug store and put our ugly mugs on some shit people throw away anyways.
Weed by Snoop
Smoke weed everyday! If there’s one guy we can all agree knows a thing or two about getting high, it’s got to be Snoop D-O double G. The Dogfather himself has announced his newest business venture, Leafs by Snoop. An artisanal line of the finest in cannabis flower, edibles, wax, and more. The packaging of these things alone makes you feel like you’re Johnny Depp in some random chocolatier’s shop on the coast of southern France. Good job on making decisions so that you never have to rap again; way to be an adult while approaching 60. Snoop hasn’t had to put out an album since the 90s, but he just keeps doing it. I guess if his work ethic is a testament to the potency of this here chronic, I’ll take two.